When I was a little boy, small enough to share a room with my younger brother, I had a terrifying dream of a monster holding my brother hostage and scratching at his stomach with his claws much like in the picture above. He was screaming and crying, and I was too scared and small to do anything. I woke up, realized it was just a nightmare, I checked on Colin (who seemed to be sleeping just fine) and went back to bed. I never really spoke about the nightmare after this, but I have never forgotten the terror I felt that night...

Colin and I used to fight as brothers often do, but almost all the time. We were just different people. To me he was “bad”, but I’m sure I was too. Our fights had grown more physical as we got older and we started to knock holes in our bedroom wall and destroy each other’s possessions. Ultimately, my older brother moved out of the house to attend university, which allowed me to move into another room that gave Colin and I some more privacy and space.

As we got older Colin and I drifted further and further apart. He hung out with his friends and I with mine. We still fought when we spent too much time together. There was always this omnipresent competition, but being older I always seemed to have the upper hand. I worked hard in school and in sports. I wasn’t ever the best at any one thing, but I was good. I graduated among the honor students and received a full scholarship to attend college. We developed like any other teenagers before parting ways as I left for university. 

I remember turning 16, the age at which many of my peers got their first vehicles.  It was not so for me.  I waited until my parents purchased a new vehicle for themselves before getting their old station wagon.  We were unemployed teenagers with a high probability of crashing our first vehicles so I understand not getting the high status car until we had proven ourselves worthy.  This was not the case with Colin.  By the time he had turned 16, I was already in college and living my own life.  My father's burgeoning construction business was taking off and they could afford to get Colin a new truck.  Perhaps they thought it would help his self esteem.  Shortly after receiving this truck Colin and some of his friends crashed into a ditch while they were shooting fireworks from the bed while driving in a field.

The insurance "totaled" the vehicle which meant that it would cost more to repair than to simply purchase a new replacement so they issued a full refund value check for the wrecked truck.  My parents used this money to buy Colin an even bigger truck.

Colin struggled in school and failed to graduate despite my parent's hard work in sending him to an expensive private school.  I can imagine his shame in not walking across the stage with his classmates as well as my parent's disappointment.  It was a tough school, but there were options he could have taken to study with tutors or simply apply himself.  It's not like he had a learning disability like my uncle who suffers from dyslexia.  He ultimately took summer classes and was able to receive a diploma.  Oddly enough he attended university where I was thriving as a student leader; academically as well as socially.

We managed to keep to ourselves; however, Colin decided to drop out after just a year and pursue culinary arts school.  I believe he eventually left that as well.  He worked several jobs in the food service industry, he even moved to Denver, Colorado with a girl friend to pursue his path.  He eventually developed a drinking and drug problem, wrecked his truck, as well as the next vehicle my parents bought him again, and lost his job.  My older brother and I took time off work to drive close to 12 hours up to Denver, pick him up in a truck that I purchased from my father and tow his belongings another 12 hours back home to Texas.

We clearly loved Colin, but there was an undeniable pattern emerging which pointed to behaviors that Colin may not truly love himself.  Something was wrong, and no matter how many times he was picked back up, dusted off, and set upon his feet he simply could not cope with the difficulties of reality.

It confused us, and completely tormented me for years as he seemed to make progress only to be hit with another shocking set-back.  Colin struggled with his demon which led to his DUI, jail, and eventually being checked into rehab.  Again I watched helplessly as now my parents were dragged into my childhood nightmare.  The monster had control of my little brother, who may have died a long time ago.

Today he looks like what young Colin might have grown into, but it is not his authentic self.  Instead a false-self, a demon that possesses his body, fraudulently masquerades in my true brother's place.  It is terrifying!

I regret saying and doing all those mean things to my younger brother as children.  I was too naive to have ever known how bad things would ever get between us.  If only I could have known.  I cry sometimes when I think back to the sweet child he was being tricked by the demon into giving it control over him.  Lying to him about protecting him from feelings of unworthiness and not being good enough and how I played a part in helping the demon gain a foothold!  The demon promised him safety, but only if the child would kneel and worship this false-self.

Today, Colin shares a home with my parents.  He had seemingly turned his life around by going back to school, finishing his undergraduate degree, and getting his masters in addiction counseling.  However, the demon is not gone, it's just better at hiding!  The demon seethes with jealousy and envy upon those with true joy in their hearts (it can never experience this itself).  The entity mostly ignores me but takes every opportunity to cut me down whenever it can.  It stares at me with silent rage which is quite disturbing.

Many years ago when I myself had reached a spiritual "rock-bottom" I finally surrendered similarly kneeling, but to God.  He alone is the reason I was saved from the depths of hopelessness and despair.  Jesus came to me in a dream.  In my brokenness He found me worthy.  Since then I have committed to worshiping Him alone who is truly worthy.  It's mind blowing that someone from 2,000 years ago said and did things that are still talked about to this day!  His words and name have so much power and meaning that it's like He knew of us and our sufferings today, travelled back in time, and delivered His message!

Today, this morning I offer myself mind, body, and soul to you Lord Jesus and ask this humble request in spite of all the terrible things going on in this world, if you can look after the child that was my little brother and help release him from the demon's grasp.  If he is already gone, please forgive me Lord for my part in helping the enemy to take him from us. Amen.

About a month ago I posted an article about paddle boarding and witnessing some people riding an electric hydro-foil or e-foil.  For my birthday, Christina set me up with an e-foil lesson and I gotta tell you... It was awesome!

In the midst of a summer heat wave, we arrived early in the morning to avoid the mid-day sun. The water felt great!  I fell a bunch of times, but it was still amazing to be having so much fun in the water!  There were "sea weed" obstacles and random turtles to dodge as I got the hang of surfing.  I got to imagine myself as "The Silver Surfer", one of my comic book heroes, as I coasted along the lake.  Tyson and Christina looked on from the pier as the instructor and I zipped back and forth.  It was a dream come true!

Afterwards, we went home to bathe Tyson (he jumped in the water), and enjoy my favorite homemade blueberry pancakes.  Then after a long nap, we concluded the day with the evening mass service.  It was Trinity Sunday, a celebration of the mystery of The Holy Spirit, The Son in Jesus, and The Father God ALL as One.

This in not the same as worshiping three gods, but rather the three unique forms that one God communicates with us.  The Holy Spirit is spiritual in nature and possesses our hearts and minds to manifest God's will.  Jesus, God's son is the human manifestation of God who came to dwell with us on earth to empathize with, and suffer human agonies so that we could share a friendship with God who understands us.  And lastly, God the Father is the most high Creator of All things visible and invisible, the reason we were given life.

Just when I thought I had opened all my gifts, the Lord provided one last "coincidental" blessing... We sang my favorite hymn, "How Great thou Art".

The day started early in the morning.  In order to reach Dallas in time for mass and my father's birthday luncheon we had to be on the road by 7am.  Since both Christina and I would be there, we decided to take Tyson with us.  In fact, Tyson is used to sleeping in till the sun comes up so when I woke him up in the dark he was quite excited something new was happening.  He was so excited despite his sleepy eyes.  I took him for his walk and he happily hopped in the 4runner for our long journey.

Christina and I picked up McDonald's for breakfast and made our way on the empty highway.  Mornings are definitely the best times to travel since traffic hasn't woken up yet.  We reach my Uncle J's house in time for his morning mass celebration, we practiced our birthday song on our ukuleles, and headed to our luncheon.  Earlier in the month when I was contemplating what gift to give my father I came upon a hymn that I knew my father would love.  No material gift I could offer would be as good as what my father already has, so I knew that it had to be personal and intimate.  I practiced performing my song on the guitar; however, it has been too long since I could sing and play as well as I used to.  I couldn't seem to sing as loudly in the register of my guitar chords when Christina suggested that I try out her ukulele.  Amazingly she had two uke's and after a slight learning curve we were able to play together. It was just right and easy to carry and travel with us to Dallas!

The weather was overcast and cool enough to bring Tyson with us to the restaurant.  We kept him in the SUV with the windows cracked (ill advised, I know, but options were limited and it turned out to be 75° and shady), whilst checking on him every half hour.

The luncheon was a success and over 75 guests came and went throughout the afternoon.  We performed our song and to our surprise many sang along with us!  It was a beautiful celebration after which we visited with my parents for a bit before heading back home to Austin.

Is it subjective or objective?  Subjective is how one feels about the truthiness of the matter; whereas, objective is concerned with facts over feelings.

We are emotional beings blessed with a portion of logic and reason.

What is reality?  Is it an opinion held by the masses or is it objective in that it is based on factual information?

I am not a perfect person.  I have my share of flaws and mistakes.  As I have matured, now in my 40's I have learned to seek the truth in all things as well as to have understanding of others who have not yet learned this lesson.

The truth is sometimes harsh especially if we haven't learned to forgive ourselves for not measuring up.  Sometimes when confronted with the truth our nature is to deny, avoid responsibility, or worse yet blame others.  These individuals fear reality so much so that it hurts them deeply to the core when called into question.  Emotions get involved and things further escalate into hostility, even toxic anger.  These types of individuals often lack gratitude.

The human ego is frail.  The truth might be too real for an undeveloped soul.  For example, when a child shows you a drawing they did of a house, generally a mature adult would not disparage the child by pointing out inaccuracies.  But if the child is told that their work is inferior, this might discourage the child from developing their skill or even cause them emotional pain and resentment.

The pain experienced by individuals who have not matured when confronted with the truth hurts deeply.  They begin to resent and even hate people who speak the truth.  Sadly today, the vast majority of people are this way.  Society has steered away from objective truth in favor of the more hedonic subjective truth.  Now despite the facts, public opinion becomes reality for these types of people.  They spread rumors and gossip to control the narrative.  And when enough people believe the lies, their false reality remains in tact which allows them to suppress the guilt and shame of facing the truth (if only for a little while).

Many politicians, and people who are in positions of power cannot afford to lose affirmative public opinion.  They often silence anyone who speaks against their reality (regardless of the truth of the matter) sometimes through smear campaigns and sadly sometimes even through murder.

The truth is a funny thing.  One of my favorite comedians, Patrice O'neal said, "You can't mess with the Truth".  It's the truth no matter how you look at it.  There is no your truth and my truth, there is only The Truth.

When being questioned by Pontius Pilate before being sentenced to death...
Jesus answered, "My kingdom is not of this world; if it were, My servants would fight to prevent My arrest by the Jews.  But now My kingdom is not of this world."  "Then you are a king!" Pilate said. "You say that I am a king," Jesus answered. "For this reason I was born and have come into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth hears my voice." Pilate asked, "What is truth?"

So it's been a few years since I've been on Lady Bird Lake.  I used to have a rowing club membership for several years that allowed me to check out a board pretty much whenever I wanted.  I stopped my membership renewal one winter and never went back.  Oh how I missed being on the water!

The sky was overcast, and the weather was starting to heat up.  Christina and I decided to try out her new inflatable boards.  I'll admit I was a skeptic and held prejudice since I'd ridden the real deal solid core paddle boards, but the weather was nice and it was an excuse to adventure!  So we loaded up the gear in my truck and miraculously made our way to the best possible shore to cast our boards off of during the ever crowded Austin Marley Festival.  Let me explain... as soon as we made it onto the highway I noticed traffic was heavier than usual (Festival) which mean't taking back roads and traveling counter to the traffic.  After a circuitous route we parked for free in the shade under highway 35 at the park closest to the RBJ health clinic.  The drive there was just the start of the adventure.

When we unrolled the boards and hooked up the electric pump we attracted the eyes of the locals which included a gang of Mexican fisherman.  But then a gaggle of middle aged women coasted onto the shore between us, assuring the normalcy of paddle gear.

I used the manual pump to inflate the rafts which surprisingly filled quickly and managed to convert the dubious roll into a hard core solid lightweight board. The paddles themselves were easy to lock together to form proper oars.  We took to the water!

I was so excited I broke my cheap rubber sandals getting into the water.  "The water feels good" after all these years I thought.  We actually did a test run and decided to fill more air pressure just in case.  When we finally got out into deep water we discovered the wind was blowing incredibly hard which tossed and turned us in all directions in addition to the waves.  The little paddle boards did fine, in fact we saw several solid foam paddle boarders fall off into the water.  It was fun!  I couldn't stop smiling and enjoyed fighting the wind to make it out into the middle of the lake.  I remembered listening to water again.  I looked up and saw the birds flying in the sky.  I laid down on the board and looked up to admire God's sky!  Christina balanced on her knees while she paddled looking like Disney's Pocahontas.  I opted to stand up and paddle using my core and hips.  I was able to glide and push over the water with speed and precision despite the wind trying to topple us down.  Hours flew past as we made it as far against the wind as we were prepared to sweat before we decided to rest and let the wind carry us back home to shore.  We sipped our water and adult beverages and enjoyed the blessed moment.  I also witnessed somebody riding an electric hydro-foil which was absolutely incredible to watch.  If I were to describe it in words it was be like watching somebody float above the water as if they were surfing a cloud of air like the comic book character The Silver Surfer.  It was unreal to watch them surf a simple lake like mine but as if they were in Hawaii.  I discovered later that it was an expensive hobby, but that hydrofoils have been around for a long time and can be ridden without power if they can take off from a dock in the absence of waves.

Deflating the boards and storing them in my little taco was easy.  When we made it back home, we simple re-rolled the boards and placed them into their storage bags for next use.  Christina went home to shower and relax before I had the random urge to dress up and take her downtown on my motorcycle to enjoy a fancy dinner at Ruth's Chris Steak House.  While our food was delicious, we have become practiced carnivores on our Keto-vore diets and decided we can prepare better Ribeye steaks.