Australian comedian Jim Jeffries does a stand up piece about the secret of happiness, which he claims "it's being beautiful" (it's worth finding on Netflix). He argues that on a scale of 1 - 10, 10 being the most beautiful, that 95% of people fall on a bell distribution of being a 4, 5, or a 6. It's absurdly hilarious, but it gets people to think about how we treat others and how others may also treat ourselves. That leaves 5% of the population as either a 1 - 3 or the blessed 7 - 10.

Psychology teaches that humans attribute a "halo effect" to attractive people which means people tend to think of them as more honest, kinder, and even go so far as to treat them special. This constant 'special treatment' can lead to people living in a beauty bubble where they cannot perceive being treated any other way (30 Rock does a hilarious show on this topic that's also worth checking out on Netflix). Those who live blissfully unaware of how the world works in actuality can set themselves up for ridicule, jealousy, and betrayal.

To make matters more complicated, this beauty scale works differently for men than it does for women. The women's cosmetics industry is roughly a 35% global market cap and over a third of every dollar spent goes towards beauty products (according to 2014 studies). That means about $121 billion dollars each year is spent on skin care to appear more attractive. Looking more attractive garners better opportunities for jobs or mate selection.

With medical advancements, men are spending on hair loss recovery, testosterone replacement therapy for youth and vigor, as well as undergoing cosmetic surgical procedures to improve self esteem.

Other things that raise men's attraction level are financial or political success. By raising their status many women willingly offer themselves to these men. This has been the tale of the ages and is as old as "gold digging" and prostitution itself (see Melania and Donald Trump).

Things start to get interesting when children are involved, as one of the outcomes of such an arrangement are offspring. The mother is assured provisioning by marrying up, and men are assured their lineage with more attractive DNA (women date up, men date down). Of course marital infidelity (physical, emotional, and/or spiritual) is one of the biggest destroyers of relationships as both men and women lose respect and attraction for their mates.

By providing sex and children, which biology drives both genders, women control this aspect of the relationship; however, men typically offer protection and provisioning in the exchange. Once the marriage or relationship discontinues, each party theoretically loses access to the gifts from their partner; however, state involvement has placed restrictions on the provider in that their responsibility must continue even after the marriage dissolves. This way, women do not have to be as mature or selective in mate selection because a safety net enforced by the state is available to them; however, these women are finding that their former beauty levels are no longer where they used to be and now have a much harsher social environment from which to prospect new mates.

There is social stigma from divorces, multiple divorces, and single mothers and fathers. It is less harsh for men in this respect especially if he retains the ability to generate more provisioning (many prospective women don't care). Women's social status takes a nose dive as equally attractive or higher men no longer view them as viable mates (who wants to come second or last after the children). There are men (with fewer options) that will still offer their commitment; however, most of the men are not attractive, which can lead to dead bedrooms or infidelity.

Observing from the outside, I find it most ironic that attractive young women often live in their beauty bubble and treat men with the respect of a spoiled brat using dates as cash machines or for food plans. Some even marry and continue this behavior because they assume the world will continue to treat them as they have always been treated; however, the rude awakening of aging or divorce often leaves them shell shocked and unable to adapt to this new world. Men who acquire assets and remain more or less attractive become even more desirable to the pool of prospective uncommitted women. The sad part is that many of these men have observed the farce that state marriage has become and avoid commitment themselves. Older women that did not acquire commitment or are now looking for it, offer more baggage in terms of emotional scarring, reduced or lack fertility, and the gift of their youth; however, they tend to be much more humble and treat men much better (at least until they acquire legal commitment).

I don't mean to be harsh or come off judgmental, but this is the truth! It's a sad state of affairs, but there is hope...

This past weekend, I got to attend a funeral. We celebrated the life of my cousin Manuel's wife, Sonya. She battled cancer for 5 years, leaving behind a devoted husband and two beautiful little girls. Fortunately, they were comforted by the presence of friends, family, and members of their faith community. Over the years, I witnessed the devotion each spouse had for one another which gave me hope. They genuinely loved one another and were blessed with two of the most beautiful, sweet children. I'm sure there were times when patience was tested, and self interest was put behind in order to accommodate one another. She respected Manny and it was obvious the feeling was mutual. I learned much from observing the pair. Their girls were the farthest thing from spoiled brats who are growing into lovely young women. I write this because it is important to know marriage can be a blessed sacrament without spite or resentment. Faith was the center of their family union. Sonya converted to Catholicism and grew strong in her faith more than most who are born into the religion. She put God, The Father, at the top of her marriage, then her Husband, and of course the children. Manny was the same.

The Sacrament of Marriage is the spiritual union of two people swearing before God to Love, Honor, and Obey their commitment 'till death do them part'. It's separate from the state, and operates in the spiritual realm. People who are members of their faith on paper or not affiliated at all do not enter holy sacraments with the same respect. The good news is once we learn to use our spiritual eyes instead of seeing things from the perspective of the state, we can begin to rely on God's guidance in our lives. If our heart's desire is to find a companion as Our Heavenly Father created Eve for Adam, then He will answer our prayers. It may not be in the manner in which you have imagined, but it will be better than anything conceivable.

This life is full of sorrow and disappointment, however, Do Not Lose Hope! He knows best for us and it was promised that death would be conquered through Christ. In fact, Jesus came through 10 times out of 10, fulfilling every promise He made. The strangest phenomenon that I've encountered with regard to faith is integrity. Meaning, when we encounter difficulty or obscurity do we still maintain our faithfulness? If one could know beyond a shadow of doubt the existence of Heaven, then faith could not exist just as love cannot without free will. Faith is trusting in God, our commitment mind, body, and soul.

"So do not start worrying: 'Where will my food come from? or my clothes? (These are the things the pagans/Romans are always concerned about.) Your Father in heaven knows that you need all these things. Instead, be concerned above everything else with the Kingdom of God and with what he requires of you, and he will provide you with all these things. So do not worry about tomorrow, it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings."

― Matthew 31:34


PS: I stayed on an extra mattress they had set up for me in their new home in the living room with Sonya's picture smiling down from the mantle. Manny and I watched Netflix until I fell asleep as usual. Around 3 in the morning I heard the vibration of a cell phone thinking one of my friends was trying to reach me; however, when I got up to investigate it turned out to be coming from a different source. I walked around the house until I found Sonya's old iPhone and low and behold she and Manny were smiling together in an embrace on the background as music played for her 3am medication reminder. It was like she was saying 'hi' and sent me to bed with a smile.

​

“The eyes are the mirror of the soul and reflect everything that seems to be hidden; and like a mirror, they also reflect the person looking into them.”

― Paulo Coelho

Sometimes when I'm grounded in traffic on Guadalupe St. headed towards downtown, my mind wanders as I stare off into the windows of the buildings around me. I see myself looking back at me through the mirrored reflection and I think of what it must be like to be able to see beyond the physical limitations of human sight. Within the mirrored hallway of buildings on either side of the street, I can perceive the flow of traffic much farther ahead. I can see the sun light reflected back onto a walkway that has already seen the rise and fall of the sun earlier in the day. With the catalogue of fantasy books and films made on extraordinary superpowers, I too wonder what it must be like to be capable of accurately seeing the information contained within the reflected light. Everything is contained within the reflection of a reflection! It's like peering into an abyss....

On a Sunday afternoon, I found myself reading in a coffee shop about the Buddha. Buddhism began nearly 2500 years ago in Asia near India, Nepal, and China. The man who would become the Buddha or "enlightened one", was born a prince who was prophesied to become either a great king or a holy person. His path was unclear, but his father had hoped for him to ascend to the throne. The prince grew up with all the advantages of privilege, pleasure, and education; however, he felt an unquenchable calling in his soul to seek enlightenment. His desire to understand had led him to discover the nature of the world. He saw that most do not live within the confines of wealth and abundance. He vowed to conquer suffering and death as well as share this information with his fellow man. He left his life of family and attachments to seek enlightenment. He studied under various spiritual gurus until he mastered their abilities to temporarily tune out the distractions of the world, yet he was still unsatisfied with this stop-gap measure. He reasoned that despite reaching the highest levels of meditation and self discipline, one could not quiet the stirring pangs of desire in their mind. In his years of travel and contemplation, he discovered enlightenment while resting under the Bodhi tree. He concluded that life itself was a state of suffering, and that this suffering was the result of desire. The Buddha was a compassionate man and could feel the energy and thoughts of others. He could peer into their souls and see the root of their suffering and offer solutions to help them become free. He discovered that he was the incarnate of the many Buddhas (enlightened ones) before him and of those to come (like the laughing Buddha).

He reasoned that each person was attached to the illusion that their life and their perception of the world was as it truly is, when in fact reality is closer to the intersection of perception from every life. In other words, when two people argue their version of the truth, each believes themselves to be right when the truth is most likely closer to the overlap of both people's perceptions. The Buddha further reasoned that all things are temporal and connected to this illusion. He reasoned that life is more than simply you and me, the past or future; He believed we are connected empathically to all things in the here and now present. "There is no inhale, no exhale, just breath."

After reading about the Buddha, I decided to walk to church. I ran into homeless people begging for money. I acknowledged and prayed with them as I made my way to the cathedral. In the gospel, John the baptist spoke of how he had seen Jesus coming to be baptized and yet he "did not know him". Only through fulfilling his life's mission was John able to finally see Christ for who he truly was. The priest giving the homily commented that even at times some of the Apostles could not tell Christ by his physical form, indicating that His Spirit was the only way to truly know Him. They would question and Christ would answer, "I have been with you all and yet you do not know me?" He continued to address Phillip, "Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me." Christ told his disciples that he would be going away for a while, but that God would send a Helper, who will stay with them forever.

"He is the Spirit, who reveals the truth about God. The world cannot receive him, because it cannot see him or know him. But you know him, because he remains with you and is in you."
John 14:17

The priest talked of the Spirit of Christ capable of existing within everyone and how Christ comes to us sometimes in forms that we do not recognize. He cited the mysterious case of St Martin of Tours, who was approached by a beggar and used his sword to shear half of his cloak to clothe the naked man. Later in a dream he witnessed Christ telling his angels that Martin had clothed him. Dreams are difficult to interpret and psychologists have their theories, but it was enough to convince Martin to change from being a soldier into a man of God.

It's almost typical of God to work this way. One encounter changes everything. We come across dozens of people everyday. Each person capable of carrying the light of truth within them. Each person capable of reflecting that light onto others and they onto those of whom they will meet. It's a veritable hall of mirrors but instead of illusion, the light being reflected carries the Truth.

"And we, with our unveiled faces reflecting like mirrors the brightness of the Lord, all grow brighter and brighter as we are turned into the Image that we reflect." (2 Cor. 3:18)

"Philosophy cannot be taught.  Philosophy is the union of all acquired knowledge and the genius that applies it:  philosophy is the shining cloud upon which Christ set His foot to go up to heaven."

― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

At some point in a man's life, he must adopt a code of conduct: a set of behaviors that he alone finds acceptable in response to situations.  This 'code' is inherent in all cultures and found throughout the world.  The samurai in ancient Japan had their "bushido", or way of life.  This would serve to instruct and guide them.  As men, we are held accountable by society, family, women, and other men to behave as we were conditioned.  Every generation has their own influences such as the abundance of technology and social communication that is so prevalent today.  I know that I was raised in a 'bubble' of protection to perceive the world quite differently than when I was old enough to venture off alone and record my own observations.  Philosophers, or people who thought about thoughts (typically men), became the bearers of "light" to the masses.  These thoughts and ideas were the product of logic and reason without the corrupt lens of emotion clouding our judgement.

Why it's important to study philosophy is because there is simply "nothing new under the sun", and nearly every situation or suffering has been shared by a fellow individual whose thoughts, concerns, or strategy has been recorded so that posterity may learn.  In addition to explanation, philosophy offers the language of logic which is capable of surviving generations in tact.  In other words, it maintains it's integrity over time.

As I grew older, I learned to absorb the philosophies of many different 'masters' before forming my own code.  In any pursuit in life, whether it be for pleasure, profession, or sport there has always been someone from whom you can learn.  They have already done the work necessary to attain a level of mastery that anyone can learn from until they themselves become masters.  It reminds me of Bruce Lee's quote: "absorb what is useful, discard what is useless, add what is uniquely your own".

One genre of philosophy that has been on my mind lately is that of the Stoics.  Stoicism, which formed roughly in the 3rd century BC, deals with concepts such as determinism and conscious choice.  In other words, Destiny and Free Will.  It teaches one to focus on applying reason to understand the relationship between external stimulus and internal peace.

It reminds me of the serenity prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Today the modern definition of stoic has changed to: a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining.  This is derived from the ancient stoic's ability to detach emotions from a situation and see it from a viewpoint of reason and understanding.  Easier said than done... The famous Caesar (as portrayed in the movie Gladiator), Marcus Aurelius, was a stoic philosopher who would meditate:

“Begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness – all of them due to the offenders’ ignorance of what is good or evil. But for my part I have long perceived the nature of good and its nobility, the nature of evil and its meanness, and also the nature of the culprit himself, who is my brother (not in the physical sense, but as a fellow creature similarly endowed with reason and a share of the divine); therefore none of those things can injure me, for nobody can implicate me in what is degrading. Neither can I be angry with my brother or fall foul of him; for he and I were born to work together, like a man’s two hands, feet or eyelids, or the upper and lower rows of his teeth. To obstruct each other is against Nature’s law – and what is irritation or aversion but a form of obstruction.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

In applying this reasoning, he was able to serve Rome without the corruption of ego and emotion from clouding his judgement. This is the defining moment for a few men when they learn to separate their feelings from their decisions. Stoicism taught that humans were given the gift of 'choice' and were not subject to the blind irrationality of instinct and emotion which separates us from the other animals. Stoicism teaches the development of self-control and fortitude as a means of overcoming destructive emotions; the philosophy holds that becoming a clear and unbiased thinker allows one to understand the universal reason. A primary aspect of Stoicism involves improving the individual's ethical and moral well-being: "Virtue consists in a will that is in agreement with Nature." This principle also applies to the realm of interpersonal relationships; "to be free from anger, envy, and jealousy," and to accept even slaves as "equals of other men, because all men alike are products of nature."

One of the most studied Stoics is Epictetus, who was born a slave, became free, and through struggle became a philosopher. He maintained that all external events are beyond our control; we should accept whatever happens calmly and dispassionately. However, individuals are responsible for their own actions, which they can examine and control through rigorous self-discipline. Most of what we know of him came from his student's recordings. He held pantheistic beliefs that God was the Universe and was present in Nature and in All things. The essence of God is goodness, and humans were given the divine gift of reason to separate between good and evil. To Epictetus, good alone is profitable and to be desired, whilst evil is hurtful and to be avoided. He taught independence from external sources of happiness. Ultimately contentment comes from within.

American fighter pilot, James Stockdale, was shot down in Vietnam and held prisoner for several years. He was able to survive torture, isolation, and regain sanity by remembering Epictetus' philosophy. In his memoirs, Stockdale quoted Epictetus as saying, "The emotions of grief, pity, and even affection are well-known disturbers of the soul. Grief is the most offensive; Epictetus considered the suffering of grief an act of evil. It is a willful act, going against the will of God to have all men share happiness"

Furthermore, Epictetus' teachings have influenced countless Stoics from Caesars to prisoners as well as cognitive behavior therapy as developed by Albert Ellis. It empowers the individual to unleash the abilities of their minds to overcome the emotional obstacles preventing happiness.

Lastly, the nature of stoicism is rooted in spirituality as in gratitude to God for the gifts of reason and logic. Both Stoicism and Christianity assert an inner freedom in the face of the external world, a belief in human kinship with Nature or God, a sense of the innate depravity—or "persistent evil"—of humankind, and the futility and temporariness of worldly possessions and attachments. Both encourage with respect to the passions and inferior emotions such as lust, and envy, so that the higher possibilities of one's humanity can be awakened and developed.

Some amazing pearls of this philosophers wisdom:

"Men, the lecture room of the philosopher is a hospital; students ought not to walk out of it in pleasure, but in pain."

“Nature hath given men one tongue but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.”

“Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.”

“Seek not the good in external things; seek it in yourselves.”

“Don't explain your philosophy. Embody it.”

― Epictetus

"I cried because I had no shoes, until I saw a man with no feet"

Today I got to break in my new "Cleto Reyes" sparring gloves in an actual 'round robin' sparring session.  New gloves were needed because I had smashed the snot out of my old "Ringside" leather gloves.  I was sad to see my classic ring gloves go, but it was getting unsafe to hit others with a cloud of pulverized padding exploding from inside each time I connected a punch with my opponent.  The new gloves smelled like babied leather and held up really well like they were custom made just for me.


After boxing, I decided to treat myself to a cheeseburger and curly fries from 'Dan's Hamburgers'.  It's a local fast food chain here in Austin that I believe is a step above Whataburger (a semi national Texas born fast food restaurant).   Being a smaller chain, Dan's Burgers are located in older neighborhoods in ancient buildings.  I stumbled into discovering Dan's after a friend helped me move from Dallas to Austin after which we searched for a good place to have lunch.  It was just a few miles down the road from my apartment.

I remember rewarding myself (every now and then) with a trip to Whataburger in the past, but started favoring Dan's somewhere along the way (I doubt Whataburger is jealous).  It became one of the reasons that I love living in Austin.  Whenever I had been away for a long time or knew that I would be soon going, I would often stop by the restaurants nearby that I'd come to love.  (Wingzup is another local favorite).

Today while having lunch, a poor elderly black man without hands had walked in wearing the shiniest red tuxedo shoes.  It was hard to tell if he was impoverished or simply possessed a unique sense of fashion.  He sat down at the booth across from me.  I saw how he used both of his arms to manipulate the straw into his cup and use the ends of his wrists and undeveloped nubs to squeeze the ketchup.  He deftly ate his food with ease.  He was older and possessed a deep sense of dignity as he carried himself with pride.  I finished my fries and set out without staring too much to head home, shower, reflect, and write...

"I wept because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet"

This phrase which has been credited to many wise authors through time was burning in my mind.  I laid in bed to recover from my aching neck and to reflect on this thought.  In boxing, hands are like feet, and gloves are like shoes.  I proudly sported my new gloves uttering the phrase "ain't nothing like new shoes" as fellow boxers and coaches welcomed the metaphor.

I think when I find myself getting down from the worries of the world, I have to remember to take stock of how blessed my life truly is.  I am so fortunate to love and be loved by so many.  I get to live a dream life!  Gratitude replaces the negative feelings and frees me from my state of mind.  The Lord works in mysterious ways and the people he sends my way are reminders of His presence and Love for Us ALL.

Words are powerful.  They retain the ability to communicate thoughts and ideas, especially when used in a manner that is easily understandable to the reader or listener.  Over time, languages change and become relics of the past.  The meaning of ancient messages might be altered or lost in translation through time like the children's game "Chinese Whispers" or "telephone" (in the USA).  The telephone game takes place usually within a large group such as those found on a playground where one child whispers a message to another, which is passed through a line of people until the last player announces the message to the entire group.  Errors typically accumulate in the retellings, so the statement announced by the last player differs significantly, and often amusingly, from the one uttered by the first. Reasons for changes include anxiousness or impatience, erroneous corrections, the difficult-to-understand mechanism of whispering, and that some players may deliberately alter what is being said to guarantee a changed message by the end of the line.  Depending on the size and maturity of the group, the original message would range from slightly altered to completely different by the time it reaches the last person.  For hundreds of years, civilizations passed their wisdom down to their offspring by word of mouth.  It is hard to believe that the original message would have stayed in tact despite their best efforts...

Parents do the best they can for their kids and somehow generations of children grow into parents themselves, with each generation raising the next.  It's no accident that you exist, hundreds of generations have led to your being here today.  Eventually, as people mature, we develop codes of conduct.  These codes become our core values and determine our behaviors.  Our values govern what the individual deems as morally acceptable behavior.  My atheist friends are some of the 'best' and most caring people that I have ever met.  (Religion or upbringing does not guaranty 'good' moral character, ultimately it is a choice).  Their moral code adheres them to behaviors that are in line with their beliefs such as honesty and a hard work ethic.  People from all walks of life and different moral backgrounds can all come together in the knowledge that as human beings we are more alike than we are different.  Poets and philosophers have written for years that our blood flows the same color and we experience pain and suffering the same.  We are also capable of the same feelings of joy, love, and acceptance.  Here's where things begin to get a bit tricky...

The concept of God has been around since (and even explains) the beginning of time.  Almost every culture has a creation story with God in it.  From a scientific perspective, all children are the offspring of two parents, and they from their own set of parents, all the way back to a common ancestor.  Our ancient ancestors explained that the original creator of life was "God", a being of both masculine and feminine energy capable of generating all life within the universe which includes the stars, planets, plants, and animals.  After all, we had to come from somewhere.

I think where people are turned off from the concept of a Divine God is when the human lens of personal politics is introduced.  Human nature is finite and limited.  We exist for nearly a century and we die.  Our biological imperatives drive us to seek two main functions which are to survive and reproduce.  Thousands of years ago in an attempt to bring order to early societies, states and religions were formed to govern and explain complex thoughts and ideas to the masses or tribes.  In doing so, the nature of politics started to take over as individuals with power exercised their authority over others by using their human intellect to interpret divine guidance.  The members of society that weren't in positions of power were subject to blind faith and were kept in line though taxation and  obedience or faced consequences such as being shamed by the community or even criminal punishment.  This is not divine teaching, this is human nature where power tends to corrupt.

The etymology or basic origins of the word "good" come from "God".  Humans tend to define things in terms of their opposites.  The opposite of light is dark, the opposite of good is evil, the opposite of truth is false, etc.  In truth, God is infinite and thus cannot be completely defined.  For our benefit as limited creatures we have thousands of names for Him as expressed by the Holy Om...

So fast forward a few thousand years, and society finds itself in a brave new world of technology, air travel, and space exploration.  The cosmic game of "telephone" continues to exist as we teach our children about good and evil.  The message goes by many names and different words, yet still bears the same basic concepts.  Languages have come and gone, cultures too, even races of people, yet humanity lives on.  Philosophers have assigned the term "zeitgeist", originally derived from German, which means the spirit of the times.  This spirit is the dominant set of ideals and beliefs that motivate the actions of the members of a society in a particular period in time. 

"But the time is coming and is already here, when by the power of God's Spirit people will worship the Father as he really is, offering him the true worship that he wants.  God is Spirit, and only by the power of his Spirit can people worship him as he really is."
― John 4:23

The idea of surrendering oneself to such a complex concept as God is abhorrent to some, especially as interpreted through the corrupt lens of egotism.  (Personally I think humility and gratitude have more to do with it).  Both religious and state authorities are susceptible to human corruption which serves to extinguish hope in a loving God as they claim to be representatives of sovereignty.  Corruption exists even within families with absentee or abusive parents which serves to discourage hope in the idea of a Heavenly Father.  Many in this world are not given the blessing of loving, compassionate, and faithful parents so it's understandable why these individuals would simply give up hope, become indifferent, or even hate the concept of God (even with this blessing indifference is possible).  As children we depend on our parents for survival and guidance.  When our young faith is smashed by the realities of the world, it's as if a sapling were crushed before it had a chance to grow, flower, or bear fruit.  Still the resiliency of the human spirit is astounding, and All things are possible.  Faith can be stoked as a tiny ember and in time can grow into a wild and righteous flame.

Having moral character is not easy.  I have heard critics say that God and religion offer a crutch to people who should otherwise be fully able to think for themselves and behave according to their own moral codes of conduct.  I would agree with them in that human nature is lazy and tends to seek the path of least resistance and maximum reward.  After witnessing the bigotry, abuse, and crimes that "the religious" perpetrate, it's hard to imagine remaining faithful to what they claim to represent.  Most people have had their faith tested, and it is when they are most desperate that they turn to God for help.  If that help doesn't readily appear their faith dwindles or turns to resentment.  This is human nature.  Again, we are finite creatures with limited perspective.  We have a short term lease on life which makes it hard to see the ripple effect we have on the cosmic fabric of the message we interpret and rebroadcast as players of the immortal "telephone game".

"He is the Spirit, who reveals the truth about God.  The world cannot receive him, because it cannot see him or know him.  But you know him, because he remains with you and is in you."
― John 14:17