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Journey to the East

12/28/2015

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It's 7am on December 28th, 2015; I'll be leaving the country for over a month as I have been planning for the last two years, but somehow the reality has not quite set in.  We load my dad's pickup truck and head to the bank for a last minute cash withdrawal.  It's cold and rainy in Dallas.  After topping up my travel funds, we head to my uncle's house to pick him up.  As usual, he's been waiting 'prepared' so after loading his cargo we head to the Dallas/Ft. Worth Airport.  My folks drop us off, exchange loving embraces, and we walk through the international departure gates.  Almost 45 minutes into our adventure, my uncle frantically searches his bags for his passport, a deal breaker for our morning's departure.  He thinks that he has left it at home and we call my father to return and pick him up to take him back to his house.  I wait in the check-in line until I have to make a decision to load my suitcases onto the plane.  I decide to check them on in optimistic hope that my uncle will return on time.  The check-in counter slowly attends to each passenger until they inform me that they will be closing in a few minutes.  I smile and tell them that I'm fine with whatever the Universe has in store for us.

Then suddenly, I see my uncle quickly shuffling to the counter with his passport.  Miraculously, we are able to check-in and make it onto the plane in time.  We each breath a sigh of gratitude and situate ourselves for the fifteen hour flight.

After a brief connection in Dubai, we set on to the impressive new Mumbai (formerly Bombay) International Airport, from which we will hop again to our first and final destination, Goa.
It’s a neat feeling to travel to the country of your ancestry and despite being separated from birth to still feel a connection like being ‘home’.

I love being here in India, and wish I could share this feeling with my brothers.

A trip to the market here is more like a bazaar with a parade of vendors each vying for your business whether to purchase their fruit, snacks, clothing, or spices.  The excitement rivals a securities exchange floor, especially the indoor fish market, where bargaining for deals is a way of life.  There are wild dogs that wait out by the trash for scraps, but at least I didn't see any people sifting through the garbage to eat.  Poverty seems to be getting better, but I was still able to discern the beggars, from the working poor, and those in the middle all jumbled together.  Unique smells are omnipresent, from burning incense, delicious food, and fresh air to waste, exhaust, and alarming body odor.

My luggage was delayed in Dubai, while we connected in Mumbai.  I was without clean clothing and shoes for 3 days. Luckily, I packed a toothbrush in my carry on which reminded me of the importance of depending on what you can carry.

My toes bulged out beyond the chappals (sandals) that I had borrowed from my uncle’s cousin, Reginald D'Souza, our host and guide in Goa.  I felt like a giant where ever I went, which only meant my larger brothers would really feel their size. In actuality, I was surprised to find many tall and fit Goans from all the walking they do.  Many of the young men wear professional futbol (soccer) inspired hairstyles and brand named clothing.

The roads are populated with cars, buses, two wheelers, and pedestrians. Traffic is a chaotic symphony of fast and slow drivers sounding horns that indicate intent to pass, frustration, and “get out of the way!” Lanes are more of a suggestion, and safe commutes are granted by the grace of God.  Speaking of which, my uncle fell twice while walking up three flights of stairs.  The first fall occurred when he reached the zenith, felt dizzy, and we found him at the bottom landing upside down with only a few small bruises.  His second fall occurred later that same evening after he and his cousin were returning with provisions in which one of the glass bottles he was carrying broke into shards tearing a formidable gash into his arm.  Miraculously both times he walked away relatively unscathed.  His bandages included a literal torn cloth tourniquet and later on tissue and tape.  People here are tough.  Had this incident occurred in America, an ambulance ride, or a visit to the clinic via private car, and the most definite use of stitches would have been employed for a senior citizen of 75.  My uncle, smiling and embarrassed, still went on to celebrate mass and recite the rosary later that night before falling asleep mid-decade.

The spiritual climate in Goa around the Christmas season is at an all time high. Houses are adorned with nativity scenes, colored lights, and star shaped lanterns. Many churches reflect the ornate stylings of the Euro-Portuguese influenced ‘turn of the century’ architecture. Hundreds of parishioners gather for the Konkani spoken Mass, which repeats itself in English and lasts nearly two hours (or more).

I had the opportunity to attend a Goan wedding, that was full of the amazing things that define Goa for me. There was spirituality in the Cathedral where the couple exchanged their vows. Then followed the reception, which was held by the beach where there were fireworks, live music, dancing, good food, drinks, and celebration.

To celebrate the reunion of my luggage we dined at a local restaurant where I later experienced food poisoning.  My symptoms included indigestion, fever, and malaise, which thankfully seemed to last only 24hrs.

The nuptial festivities continued the next evening with an intimate family and friends celebration.  In the spirit of adventure, I decided to take a bus to the party.  After receiving careful hand written instructions, I boarded the first bus which took me to the bus station.  From there I was to board a second bus, which would drop me within 100 yards of my destination at precisely the fourth stop.  Since I had made the journey a few times before in a car, I felt confident that I could recognize the way.  The bus departed from the station and seemed to be going to my desired destination; however, I kept a close watch at every stop to make sure.  Many different kinds of people came and went with each stop.  One man was covered with tumorous growths all over his face and I felt pity for him, but he seemed to have a good attitude as he wore a clean pressed shirt and conducted himself in a dignified manner.  I was enjoying the “people’s chariot” when on the final roundabout the bus turned off in a direction I did not recognize.  The fourth stop was far from the recollected destination, and without the ability to communicate coherently with my fellow passengers, I decided to get off the bus and walk back to some place familiar. I must have been a mile away from where I was supposed to be and it was getting late; so I accepted fate, laughed at my predicament, and began the long walk to getting back to where I should have been.  About fifteen minutes into my march, I received a phone call from my friend hosting the party.  He was laughing and telling me to look for him and it took me a second to realize that his car was parked just up the road upon which I was walking.  The amazing coincidence that he recognized me from behind while walking on a random road during the night was due to my long “Jesus-like” hair, which tends to stand out in a crowd. I was saved from walking at least a mile or more and given a comfortable ride to the party with what can only be described as feeling God’s grace.


The party was another grand celebration, this time at the bride’s house.  The guests included close friends and family.  I was honored to be invited. There were about 100 guests all through the night.  There was a father/daughter DJ performing most of the music themselves.  They sang and played Konkani music to a Latin beat that I recognized from my Salsa dancing days. I didn’t realize that Goans were terrific dancers and was able to hold my own on the floor.  The young men sat and watched as they were too cool to dance, a sentiment I once shared, but the older people and young girls were happy to move their bodies to the beat.

The evening wound down and I was able to find a ride back to my uncle’s apartment.  I wished my gracious hosts, hugged them good-bye and left Goa in the morning for Cochin.

The city of Cochin is in the state of Kerala just south of Goa; however, rather than fly directly there, the airline on which we booked our flight required us to travel back to Mumbai and then down south again to Cochin.  Between the delayed flights, rescheduled bookings, and hurried baggage claim, I somehow managed to injure my neck.  When we reached the Cochin airport we were greeted by a man holding a sign with “Fr. John Alphonso”.  There we met up with Fr. Joseph Nalpat, my uncle's classmate in the seminary.  He had arranged for us to stay in an upscale hotel where I could finally shower and rest from the melee of air travel. The next morning Fr. Nalpat had greeted us after breakfast to take us out to see his church and where ever we wished to go. I opted to see the forests of Cochin where we were able to drive into the scenic country side, take a small hike through the jungle, and see some elephants in a nature preserve.

It was a beautiful experience in spite of the pain in my injured neck.  Then in the evening, Fr. Nalpat took us to have dinner with his brother’s family a few kilometers away.  His sister-in-law was able to prepare a delicious meal on such short notice consisting of pork, prawn, and chicken options in addition to vegetable dishes and ice cream for dessert.  There are few pleasures like the delights of a home cooked meal prepared with love.

The next morning, my uncle woke me up to celebrate his daily mass ritual, something I’ve grown appreciative of since coming to India.  After praying we ate breakfast in the hotel when Fr. Nalpat came and took my uncle to see a doctor, which gave me a chance to catch up on some reading and writing.  It was in the afternoon when the sun was beginning to relent when we went to the beach to experience the Cochin seaside. It was warm and unusual to encounter such a vast ocean in the midst of January’s winter. It was an unforgettable experience.

Later that evening Fr. Nalpat took us to an ashram convent to dine with the Sisters of Christo Raj (Christ the King).  I was informed that this privilege was not normally extended to lay persons but an exception was made for me.  I was honored to be with them.  They seemed so inquisitive and happy that they reminded me of the school children I had visited once in Africa.  The priests lovingly teased them and they blushed like joyful young ladies.  They had prepared delicious food and never wavered in their graciousness as hosts while they constantly served us new foods and drinks to enjoy.  I ate till I was unable to hide my gut and felt compelled to stand up and walk a lap or two before sitting back down.  They walked us out to the gate, wished us a safe journey, and watched as we walked down the street to our hotel.  I loved being there with them and witnessing their commitment to devotion and innocence.

The next morning we left for Mumbai at 5am.  We reached Mumbai with plans of dropping off the heaviest of our luggage at St Francis Xavier's School which is managed by Fr. Theo Fernandes, my uncle's classmate nearly 47 years ago.  After having lunch with the school Fathers, my uncle and I went back to our quarters to formulate a plan.  We were scheduled to leave Mumbai later that day for Bangkok at 11pm and return in four days back to India.  With our truncated time table we set out to meet up with my mother's relatives.  We took a rickshaw to a wrong church, which happened to be precisely where my aunt, Doris Pereira lives.  We had called her from Cochin to let her know that we might be stopping by, so she wasn't all that surprised when we knocked on her door.  After catching up for a bit and sitting for some snacks, which included my grandmother's delicious fruitcake recipe, we decided to head to a local market for provisions and gifts.  We found expensive knock-offs and crowds so we decided to visit another relative, Dr. Margaret Miranda.  Her practice is attached to her home so she can often be found busy and (according to her) unprepared for guests.  When we showed up unexpectedly, we found her home to be charming and very welcoming in spite of her own criticism.  I was so happy to see that Fr. Francis Gonzalves, her brother (and also my mom's cousin), was there to have tea with us.  We chatted for a bit, enjoyed some delicious 'impromptu' chutney sandwiches, and took some pictures before heading off to Dharavi, one of the largest slums in the world, to shop for gifts and provisions.


With dangerous efficiency, my uncle and I secured our purchases, maintained our safety from pick pockets and thieves, and headed back to Xavier's School by rickshaw for supper and to prepare for our trip to Bangkok later that evening.
We arrived in Bangkok around 8am and after exchanging some currency at the airport we realized that our hotel information was saved somewhere in cyberspace as our smartphones could not access the server.  We managed to find an old email with our booking information only after registering on the airport wifi connection.  It seems that my uncle and I constantly rely on each other to solve our problems and have made a good team thus far.  After confirming a few times that our hotel was in fact located an hour away by another local airport we set out in a cab to sight see the city until we reached our accommodation.
Our hotel was nice.  It was located in a quiet neighborhood next to restaurants which we got to explore on foot.  We discovered a street restaurant that served the best Tom Yum soup!  We made plans to explore downtown, check out a riverwalk, and catch a lights show.
The next day we decided to check out the "floating market" as recommended by our previous night's cab driver (he even agreed to take us there in the morning).  After driving nearly an hour (everything in Bangkok is far away) we arrived at a tourist trap and reluctantly bought our tickets for a boat ride through the canals of a "floating market".  We decided to go with the flow, bargained down the outrageous ticket price, and sipped on a coconut while watching the show.

Next, we decided to check out the famous "Golden Buddha", that my uncle had seen back in 1971.  An hour later, we were there.  It was bittersweet to see such a spiritual place littered with commercial tourism, people taking endless selfies, and crowds that erased any sense of intimacy.  We hastened our visit and proceeded back to our hotel for a rest.  In the evening, feeling recovered from our time in the sun, we decided to get authentic Thai massages by a street shop across from our new favorite restaurant.  Any lingering pain from my neck injury was tenderized into submission and left me feeling like jello.  We stumbled over to our Tom Yum soup shop to enjoy a bowl before retiring for the evening.

One night in Bangkok

We decided to shave a day off our time in Bangkok by attempting to ride the bus system to the airport from the purported "complimentary" shuttle service from domestic to international airports (opposite sides of Bangkok).  All attempts to contact our airline were fruitless, so we decided to go to the ticket counter in person.  Once we reached, we found the counter abandoned and were informed nobody would be available until 5pm that evening.  With diminished enthusiasm, we attempted to board the shuttle system back to the other airport next to our hotel, only to be rejected by the attendants as we were told that our tickets were only one way.  After asking several people for guidance and getting answers ranging from impossible communication barriers, blatant rudeness, and kind smiles with broken English, we decided on following the latter most until we made our way back home riding public transportation.  With our frustration reaching a fevered boil, patience was needed to survive the journey.

When we reached back to our hotel, we enjoyed lunch at an unbelievably inexpensive and delicious street shop which helped encourage our spirits.  We rested for a bit until we felt prepared to reattempt our early departure.
In our second attempt to leave Bangkok, we marched confidently to the shuttle bus with our luggage in tow.  We walked directly to the Air India counter, found it staffed with attendants, and secured our places in the queue.  My uncle left to inquire at the counter whether we could exchange our tickets scheduled for the next evening for a pair leaving tonight.  It was here that we discovered that my visa into India was only a single entry and had expired the moment we left for Bangkok.  Basically, this meant that we could not leave and would have to re-apply for another visa to re-enter India within 24hours of our scheduled flight.

Feeling thoroughly discouraged at this point we gathered as much information about visiting the Indian Embassy and headed back to our hotel across town.  Somehow the weight of our luggage seemed a bit heavier and the bus routes a little longer.  When we reached the hotel, our friendly inn-keeper was there to welcome us back despite our early check-out.  We found our room had been cleaned and dressed with fresh new sheets and towels.

I awoke with the earnestness of an uncertain dawning; my uncle had been up for at least an hour.  After a quick mass, a short breakfast, and a shower we left the hotel by taxi around 7am.  The traffic in Bangkok is horrendous.  According to google maps our destination was only 30 minutes away, but it took us more than an 1 1/2 hours to reach.  When we finally found the embassy, we were told that we'd have to go to another office located a short distance away on the 22nd floor.  I waited in yet another queue only to be told that my best chances for a quick issued visa was to apply online and wait at a coffee shop down below.

A long time ago, when I was a boy, I was taught the concept of 'Grace' was like going to a fancy restaurant, ordering a big meal (including a decadent dessert), and finding out that you left your wallet at home... but instead of trouble, somebody else takes care of the bill without expectation in return.  And like that you are free.  To feel loved, to be protected by, and to be forgiven is to experience Grace...

At the Kuppadeli cafe in Bangkok, I find my fingers instinctively braiding together as I wait to hear back from the e-visa office.

Here's to Grace!
After trips to the Indian Embassy and US Consulate we decided that it was best for my uncle to catch his flight back to India to prevent further complications.  I felt comfortable riding the bus back and finding lodging in the neighborhood where we stayed the previous night.  During the taxi ride to the airport my uncle and I exchanged last minute contacts should we lose touch.  Somehow I misplaced my cellphone with all my contact information and photos while exiting the cab and shuffling to collect our luggage.  Once we reached the check-in gate I was reluctant to share the additional bad news.  I confessed to losing my phone, upon which uncle Johnny reached into his bag and gave me one of his phones and some cash (talk about grace).  I could see the apprehension in his eyes, but being men we just smiled, shook hands, and bade each other a safe journey at the security counter.  I watched as the man who used to pick me up with ease and swing me through the air as a child, now grown into a silver haired old gentleman ambled through the flight gates with his roll on bags in tow.  I felt the unique blend of sweet sorrow as I was both happy and sad.  After making sure he was safely through, I marched deliberately to the familiar shuttle bus that would take me through two connections and bring me back to my hotel.  As I sat on the cramped bus seat I reflected upon the metaphor of seeing one's loved ones pass from this world into the next.  It's a certainty that all of us will have to face and only when our 'visa' to the next destination is approved will we be able to join.

Bangkok is an amazing city filled with spirituality, which means both spirits of vice and virtue.  The good people at my previous inn were able to secure me a room for the night at an inexpensive boarding house named the "Don Mueang Mansion".  It was a huge old apartment building with dozens of floors and rooms.  While checking in, I was astonished to find my cell phone hidden in one of the bag's compartments.  After I checked in, close to midnight, the attendant showing me to my room asked if I wanted a Thai massage woman, upon which I laughed and said, "No thanks."  While there were no noticeable insects, the room was musty and drab.  The plastic coated mattress rested in stark contrast to the bleached white sheets adorning it.  I threw off the ancient duvet, cranked up the air conditioner, and went to sleep smiling at the comedy of the situation.  I woke up around 9am with the sound of my tube television set playing Thai cartoons that lulled me to sleep the night before.  I was surprised to find hot water in the shower and enjoyed a steamy bath.  Running low on Thai currency, I decided to walk to the local Don Mueang Airport and exchange some bills.  On my way there, I was able to use the internet and found that my visa had been approved for re-entry that day.  I excitedly returned to check-out of the "mischief mansion"; whereupon, I witnessed a scantily clad young woman with a fistful of cash shamelessly stuffing the bills into her purse as we rode the lift down from my floor.  Just as the 1980's song alluded, "this is Bangkok" I thought to myself and smiled inwardly.
From Bangkok, I returned to Mumbai close to midnight.  It was a sweet reunion cut short by the chaotic mob accompanying my uncle as they gathered for their newly arrived guests.  Soldiers armed with semi-automatic machine guns adorned the exits to prevent unauthorized entry and keep the peace.  We caught a 'rick' back to our Mumbai fortress at the St Francis Xavier's School and in the morning I awoke to the sound of children playing in the courtyard around a 100yr old banyan tree.  It was when they started singing their school song that I decided to roll out of bed.

After a night of peaceful rest and relaxation we roamed about Mumbai to check out some sights and decided to catch a bus to meet a family friend for dinner across town.  That evening we were treated to a five star meal at a members only 'National Sports Club of India' (the US equivalent of a Country Club) where our host was a member.  Instead of taking a bus home our host recommended that we view the Mumbai "Sea Link", a beautiful bridge that cuts across the water, to bring us directly home via private cab.  It made me wish that we had more time to spend with loved ones and sight-see around Mumbai.
The next morning we flew to Ahmedebad to stay with my uncle's cousin Reginald once again, but this time in his home in nearby Gandhinagar, the capital of Gujarat.  It was here I met the D'souza family (my third cousins) and enjoyed sharing a comfortable two bedroom flat with 9 people (& 2 dogs).  There, everyone got along well despite also sharing only one bathroom.  My uncle and I were given royal treatment which included waking up to homemade chai at least twice a day, delicious snacks, and an endless buffet of amazing Gujarati cooking.

After spending a few days with my extended family, we booked an overnight train to Ajmer in north India.  We reached the station around midnight and still found a cavalcade of rickshaws and taxis waiting to deliver passengers.  We reached the Fatima convent a few kilometers from the station on a cold night in what seemed like a remote village ashram.  We waited at the gates until a giant but ragged looking old man answered the gate and escorted us to our quarters at the back of the convent (it reminded me of something out of a Harry Potter novel).  We found an ancient guest quarters with several rooms and one with two beds set up for us.  I decided to climb right into bed from the exhaustion of restless 'sleep' in the upper berth of a moving train.  In the morning I woke up to a cold room with thick concrete walls and hard stone floors.  I stayed warmly wrapped in my bedsheets until my uncle informed me that the shower produced a steady flow of hot water.  I have never appreciated 'bucket baths' so much in my life.  After getting dressed we headed to breakfast where we met Sister Carmelita, my uncle's cousin.  She was an 80yr old nun with the grace of an innocent child.  She seemed overjoyed that she got to see my uncle once again and wouldn't part from his side (it reminded me a lot of my niece and nephew).  In fact, all the nuns I met at the convent all seemed to remind me of children as they giggled and played in addition to their responsibilities at the convent.


In the evening we went to dinner at another cousin's home, nestled in the mountains.  Immediately after supper we departed for the midnight train to Baroda to visit with the Bishop and some other family.  After a night of traveling and a 2hr morning bus ride, we reached the Bishop's estate in time for lunch with his excellency and a few other priests.  This is where I got to meet Father Pablo, a 90 yr old Jesuit Missionary Priest, who with his brothers helped to educate my Dad and Uncle when they lived in India as kids.  Father Pablo was the highlight of the Baroda trip as he was the image of a real life "Don Quixote" complete with battle scars from a run-in with skin cancer leaving a menacing suture track on his face.  I learned that he published a few books and even more amazing is that he started writing at age 83.  His works involved writing on topics of spirituality, psychology, philosophy, and faith.  He was a gentleman priest and even presented us with two signed copies of his books (which I read with zeal).  That evening we stayed with some family and left for Nadiad in the morning.

In the village town of Nadiad we had lunch with some priests, who ran the St Mary's school.  It was a simple school with a devout student body, as children could be seen taking time from their lunches to come to the sanctuary for quiet prayer.  After lunch, Fr. Joseph Mari and I decided to make a liquor run as Gujarat is a 'dry' state with liquor sales permitted to those with foreign passports.  We zipped through town on his motorbike witnessing cows, street vendors, and children playing in a river.  We also witnessed a gruesome vehicle accident on the highway as we scooted by on the access road to our liquor shop.
After some rest, Fr. Mari drove us back to Gandhinagar.  Even though our trip to Baroda and Nadiad was short, I was happy to be "home".  With great expectation we awaited the arrival of Anthony, Reginald's only son, and the only other young male that could help me balance all the female energy in the flat with 5 women (they ruled with an iron fist and teased me mercilessly).  He worked in Mumbai during the week and on the weekend caught the train to Gandhinagar to be with his family, wife, and baby daughter.  With my visa problems in Bangkok, my uncle and I decided to skip going to Nepal instead opting to travel with our host family to Udaipur, Rajasthan.

We packed a weekend bag and made the 3 hour road trip to the mountains of Udaipur, where I discovered a city that one could easily mistake for being in Greece or in the fabled Agrabah from Disney's Aladdin at night.  I learned the difference between a street and a gully, which are narrow roads claustrophobically surrounded by ancient multi-story buildings which make it impossible to tell one's navigational orientation due to lack of landscape clues.  We adventured the town during the day and dined at amazing restaurants at night.  Food was always a welcomed indulgence throughout our travels in India, but I was starting to feel the effects of the rich consumption as more flesh was sticking to my ribs by the day.  We concluded our weekend trip with an early morning ice bath and hit the road by 7am (hot water was a precious commodity and didn't heat up until the boiler was lit around 8am).

When we returned from Udaipur we met with the last of our friends and family for lunches and dinners until our time in India had come to a bittersweet end.  With one last celebration of mass with our host family, we set off for the airport to catch a series of flights to our last adventure in Dubai, part of the Unite Arab Emirates. 


There we were greeted by a cousin, Patrick, who made arrangements for us to stay in a hotel/apartment with a kitchen, gym, and a rooftop pool.  After spending time with Patrick's family and some friends, we set off on a 'desert safari' which involved being picked up by an ordinary looking driver in a large Toyota SUV along with some other passengers for a drive through the city and into the desert.  After about 30 minutes we reached a small station for tourists to use the restroom and shop, when I noticed our driver deflating the SUV tires to a pillowy bounce.  I figured this had something to do with increasing the tire surface area for maximum traction on the sand.  Then we all re-boarded the SUV and headed out into the desert.  The driver morphed from ordinary man into "Jason Statham" and the SUV from road vehicle into Desert Cruiser as we raced up 15 foot sand dunes and down with equal ferocity.  The roller-coaster sensation was paired with an arabic beat as the music matched the mysticism and excitement being felt here in the afternoon sands.  We surfed the dunes for about 30 minutes before arriving at our 'desert oasis' for an evening of dining and entertainment (sort of like an Arabic Medieval Times with belly dancing instead of jousting).  After snapping a few pictures and getting our fill of food and show, we headed back into the desert for a night ride of oceanless surfing.  When we reached the road, our driver made a quick stop at an air station to refill the tires where I had the chance to examine the SUV and congratulate our driver with a new lens of respect and admiration.
We spent the next day walking around the enormous Dubai Mall which rivals (or dwarfs) any western shopping center I've ever been to.  Since shopping gives me a headache, I opted to people watch instead.  As Dubai is host to many tourists and cultures there was an endless supply of 'interesting' to observe.  We caught a ride to the Dubai Museum located in the Al Fahidi fort where we learned about the regional culture.  One of the things that stood out to me was the fact that Islam was conceived somewhere here in such an environment where their calendar is based upon the cycles of the moon.  This makes sense as the moon provided illumination to desert dwellers who might have opted to stay indoors during the hot day and to hunt, travel, or celebrate at night when the temperatures were much cooler.  When I was in the desert I felt the presence of the stars unlike anything experienced in a busy city.  I felt the presence of Divinity despite being 'alone'.  I can easily see how ancient people of this land were able to connect the night's cool respite as a saving grace, a time for healing from the day's desiccate heat.

After our desert adventures, riding the rail and buses through the city (which houses the world's tallest building), and with our shopping thresholds being reached, I decided to relax by reading on the rooftop and swimming a few laps in the pool.  By the end of our 35 days of travel we both were feeling a longing to be home and rest peacefully in our own beds without an agenda necessarily planned for the next day.  We checked out of our hotel and made our way to the airport for our direct night flight back to Dallas.

I was proud of my Uncle as he traversed the many airports, lugging baggage to and fro and up into storage compartments (the key lesson being travel lightly and take only what you need).  We found our seats, had a drink or two, and tried our best to sleep through the flight.  In the morning, we had arrived back in Dallas, suffered immigration, and yet another "random security check".  I tolerated the customary travel pestering as I was too happy to be home.


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“For our goal was not only the East, or rather the East was not only a country and something geographical, but it was the home and youth of the soul, it was everywhere and nowhere, it was the union of all times.”
― Hermann Hesse, The Journey to the East
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Rage

12/20/2015

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Many times I find myself stuck in traffic behind a bad driver, especially when I'm running late. These are the drivers that go slow in the passing lane causing a dangerous atmosphere with big trucks on the highway cavalcade. They drive blissfully unaware of their affect on others, too fast or too slow. They swerve in and out of lanes unpredictably. They forget to use their turn indicators or leave them blinking which creates even more confusion. These individuals possess the uncanny ability to awaken the dormant anger beast within, also known as "road rage". This phenomenon has driven me to question the qualities that determine "good" and "bad" drivers. It's not as simple as generalizing people into categories based on gender, race, or age. It's also taught me to look closer at myself and help me deal with my anger.

I used to believe that some people were inherently gifted with the abilities and skills that I might never attain, which left me feeling powerless to change my fate. I was young and possessed a mindset that limited my behavior. Later on as I matured, I learned that my attitude was in need of serious adjustment if I was going to become the man I wanted to be...

With regard to driving, I most likely inherited my father's temper. I respect my father, but I used to be afraid of the rage that he was quick to take out on the careless drivers who may have cut him off in traffic or accidentally swerved into his lane. He would angrily exact his revenge on his transgressor by returning their offensive driving seven fold, until they were scared enough to hang back or turn off the road. Then strangely, he would return back to calm as if nothing had ever happened. Once, while on our way to Sunday mass, he almost ran over a classmate of mine as she carelessly rode her bicycle in the middle of the road.  In her panic, she crashed and started to cry.  My dad got out, made sure she was okay, and helped her back up.  It's pretty funny to remember now (mostly because nobody was seriously harmed).

He would often drive fast using both feet on the pedals, one on the accelerator and the other on the brake. He was used to operating a manual transmission, which requires both legs. He was better than most drivers I knew and could get us to school on time despite the fact that my brother and I were late getting ready to leave the house. He seemed to have a sixth sense that guided him from lane to lane when traffic presented obstacles, "like picking stocks in the market" he would compare. He was emboldened each time he succeeded in beating the clock and defeating traffic. He was, is, and most likely will always be a 'warrior', a competitor who thrives in battle against opponents that would terrify the common person (it's probably why my mom married him).

I remember feeling bad for the female drivers who 'accidentally' offended my father when I saw their legitimate fear from his didactic driving lesson. I would think of somebody intimidating my mother on the road and feel upset.

His temper was legend behind the wheel, at job sites, and in the house. He dealt epic pastings to me and my brothers (never to my mother) whenever we fought or messed up the peace in the home. It's important to mention that he was and still is an affectionate human being. He struggled to manage his anger up until he became a grandfather. I suspect that he still struggles with it, but due to his new role as a person who his grandchildren look up to and adore he has learned to bridle his temper. Both temper and ego are similar in that they can work against you if left unchecked. Now, my father remains calm as a kitten in spite of the chaos these sweet children prodigiously generate. It took years before he finally got a handle on his rage, an accomplishment for which I am very proud.

People are funny. We come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and creeds, yet one thing we all share in common is our self-interest. We forget about others and get distracted in our own world; we cause mostly unintended transgressions against our brothers and sisters on the road. Cell phones, daydreams, food or whatever takes our focus off the task at hand and often leads to accidents. In participating in potentially dangerous activities, it becomes paramount to safety of self and others by maintaining focus and self control. Alcohol, drugs, and temperament can impair one's ability to maintain focus. Every single one of us has had moments where we surrendered control of ourselves to such vices. We're only human, but with practice we can work on regaining our power to not be victims to these temptations.

When 'triggers' that elicit behaviors such as rage present themselves, understand that the power to react is within one's control. You can choose to laugh, cry, or succumb to your vice. My personal favorite strategy is to laugh off the offense, sometimes choosing to sing a ridiculous song. When I see the instigator at a signal light I can often make them laugh from my car while smiling and singing the song inspired by their outrageous driving behavior.

"Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
― Unknown

We are more powerful than we think. Our thoughts can determine our attitudes, which can affect our performance. Be good to yourself, speak kindly, and act with compassion so that you might have the ability to conserve your power. This way you retain control under situations of stress that require your full attention. Negative thoughts, words, and actions like anger, rob us of our strength to be brave especially when we can lead by example.  They limit our ability to act.  Our strength can inspire others to dispel negative energy and reinforce positive behaviors.  It's doubtful to me now to think some people are born better suited to tasks such as driving, sports, or anything competitive. I have learned that self-limiting thoughts, words, and beliefs can lead to limited performance; whereas, practice in self control can lead to the limitless attitude of Champions (like my Dad).
Unlimited Belief
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Dual Nature

12/4/2015

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For nearly two years I've been living in two cities, which means two bedrooms, two vehicles, and two lives...

A few years ago, shortly after graduating from college, I found myself treading on a path that wasn't where I wanted to go.  I worked long hours for a pay off that didn't seem worth the time.  I grew unhealthy with my diet choices as food became the only joy in my day.  I was slowly dying and didn't know it, like a smoker addicted to poison.  I looked forward to escaping the doldrums of my career, relationships, and life.  I would come home exhausted only to wake up feeling the same way.  My job kept the bills payed and offered a thinly veiled promise of financial security like a spider web offers support to a fly.  It's one thing to look back and know that I eventually changed my path, but I can't remember actually having an exact plan of how I made this happen. I just had faith that things would work out.

The only skill that I had up until that point in my life was the ability to build a computer, something I picked up in college while hanging out with 'nerds'.  I had some savings, and owned a house that I shared with friends.  I had observed my brother buy and live in a house with friends from college which he sold a few years later at a reasonable profit.  Learning from his example, I was able to do something similar with help and guidance from family.  This asset turned out to being my saving grace.

After I quit my job, I moved on to a boutique financial planning firm as a partner since I brought over clients from my previous appointment.  However, I struggled to maintain interest in the private practice where the only party that saw a profit was the landlord.  I knew that I could afford to take some risk in my new business venture since my bills were offset by the rent generated from the residents living in my house, but I was only buying time.  I had grown accustomed to the lifestyle of a suit-wearing banker which meant that dry cleaning bills and dining at restaurants were draining my bank accounts one day at a time.  I decided to take a cue from the landlord that I was paying a king's ransom to each month in order to host a non-income producing business; a little after two years I left my firm (This was my ego getting in my way and stubbornly holding on to the idea that I could somehow still come out on top despite the facts pointing to the contrary).

After quitting my second job, I needed to make my housing asset work for me.  I began with renting the vacant rooms left from roommates that graduated and moved out.  I placed ads on 'craigslist' which brought an interesting demographic of potential boarders to my attention.  After interviewing a few people I made a decision which taught me a lot. 

I've heard it said, "There is no accounting for tastes" which speaks to the truth that each person has their own preferences for 'likes' and 'dislikes'.  Within a few weeks I discovered the house had turned into a refuge for filth and disarray.  Between my old roommate, myself, and the new person, something had changed in the environment for the worse.  The casual nature of leaving dishes in the sink, trash rotting in the garbage, and messes around the common living areas led to apathy between the residents.  No one wanted to take responsibility for the other person's carelessness which created a chain reaction of indifference.  This was not the environment in which I wanted to live.  After asking the 'new' roommate to leave, I decided to try another approach to finding somebody to live with and help pay the bills.  This taught me to set clear expectations with each new roommate.

After developing a system of roommate selection through trial and error, I was blessed with roommates that taught me the most valuable lesson in business and life.  If you do anything, it's best to do it with 'Love'.  My new roommates quickly became like brothers as we shared our culture and experiences with one another.  The condition of the home improved as proper expectations were being set and everyone seemed to respect the rules.  It was secondary to the joy of living with brothers who actually looked forward to spending time together.  No one minded picking up the slack for each other as each person did their best to look out for themselves and their brother.  At no other time in my life up to or since then has living with others been such a joy (It felt like heaven on earth).  As all good things eventually come to an end, our experience was short lived (while the brotherhood continues to remain).  After the first of our quartet moved out for job reasons, the second followed shortly thereafter.  My original brother (and roommate) were back to where we began only this time equipped with the knowledge that life with roommates can actually be amazing.

Enough time had passed where I had recovered from the financial setbacks of the past and was actually in a position to invest in another real estate endeavor.  My older brother and I were actively searching for a deal when my neighbor left a note on my door asking if I was interested in purchasing his house at great price.  I took the offer as providence and followed through on the purchase.  With my father's connection to the construction industry I was able to renovate and remodel my newly acquired asset to fit my needs as a 'professional landlord'.  Again, faith in myself and the ability to attract the right residents was required and a new learning curve was being figured out.  I now had two properties to manage, one of which I didn't live in and had to rely on assistance from my faithful roommate from before.  I was beginning to learn the value of effective leadership.  Since I could not be in two places at once, I needed to delegate responsibility to someone who could lead by example and hold others to the same standard.  This also meant learning to bridle my ego as I discovered that everyone has a different style of leadership which means trusting in them even if it seems contrary to your own method.  It meant observing the results of action instead of the promise of words. 

As time passed, I grew into my role as a live-in landlord.  I had a relationship with my residents and treated them as brothers.  My position allowed me to travel and experience the world making trips to India, Africa, and the United Kingdom.  I learned to ride a motorcycle, a childhood dream.  I experienced the thrill of competitive boxing while getting into the best shape of my life.  We even worked out a deal with a local gym to host a bi-weekly sparring session with my residents, affectionately referred to as 'fight club' (a current tradition).  With time, I was able to leave the company of my business in the capable leadership of my resident brothers in order to pursue my dream of living in another city a few hours away.

The confidence to delegate the responsibility of leading each house away from apathy and toward responsible brotherhood came with the practice of setting fair expectations and holding one another accountable to their word.  I knew in my heart that it was my ego telling me that things would fall apart without "me" being there to fix potential issues.  Again, I had to work to conquer myself by choosing to remove "me" from the equation and move in with my parents (not easy to do in one's 30's) in order to gain perspective on how things would actually run without my presence.  I lived away for an entire year and learned a lot.

I learned that I was lucky to have parents loving enough to be supportive to such an idea even if it meant compromising some of their freedom.  I learned to separate 'lip service' from one's behavior.  I learned to have faith in myself and others which sharpened my skill at becoming an effective leader.  Ultimately I gained more income, which allowed me to make expensive repairs  and save for costly maintenance.  I returned to my property as a wiser, more experienced business owner and landlord after making some adjustments which included letting go of those who deal in lip service, gossip, and hypocrisy.  I had been given the chance to bridle my ego, observe human behavior from both the 'in' and 'outside', and confirm some beliefs about leadership that living with dozens of people over the years had taught me.  I confirmed the knowledge that most people are followers and the burden of leadership falls upon the shoulders of those strong enough to lead with authority (right or wrong, morality aside as there is no accounting for tastes).

Besides becoming a more effective leader, I learned to cultivate and develop the traits of leadership in others which over the course of another year I was able to finally make my move to Austin, my favorite city in Texas.  The process of developing leaders is understanding that leadership is: a constant battle to lead by example, an exercise in compassion, and maintaining the ability to hold others accountable.  A good leader has to be impeccable with their word and especially their actions.  A great leader understands people as humans are entitled to making some mistakes and doesn't take things personally.  A leader doesn't make assumptions.  They set proper expectations and guidelines.   And lastly, they believe in doing their best in whatever they set out to do.  It has been said, "how you do anything, is how you do everything".  This is a habit and takes time to develop, but once you move from thought to word to deed to habit, it eventually becomes your character; and a character is the person you dreamed that you could become when you wanted more from who you were.  The 'old' becomes the 'new', and the 'new' becomes You.

"Your past is just a story.  And once you realize this it has no power over you."
― Chuck Palahniuk
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    I like to think about thoughts, tell stories, & use run-on sentences
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    Guy Fawkes

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